6 Tips to Get Through the Holidays When a Loved One Is Struggling with Addiction or Mental Health

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy, connection, and celebration. But for many families, they can feel heavy, complicated, and emotionally exhausting, especially when someone you love is battling addiction or a mental-health challenge. The pressure to “keep things normal,” the presence of alcohol, and the weight of expectations can make an already fragile season feel overwhelming. 

Take Emily, for example. Emily deeply loved the holidays. She loved twinkling lights, warm drinks, and the feeling of closeness that came from gathering with family. But over the last few years, her brother had been in and out of recovery. Every holiday season brought a mix of hope and fear—hope that this year would be easier and fear that it might unravel.

Emily wanted to show up with love, but she also needed to protect her own heart. And that’s where thoughtful planning made all the difference.

Moving from Surviving the Holidays to Navigating Them with Intention

When someone you love is struggling, the holidays shift from something you float through to something you have to plan for. You can’t control their choices, their emotions, or their journey—but you can control how prepared you are, how you care for yourself, and how you shape the experience.

These tips aren’t about perfection or pretending things aren’t hard. They’re about creating small pockets of peace, safety, and choice in the middle of a complicated season.

Here’s what that looked like for Emily—and how it can look for you.

1. Plan for Yourself (Not Just Everyone Else)

When someone you love is struggling, it’s easy to center your entire holiday around managing their moods or behaviors. But your holiday matters, too.

Emily learned to intentionally plan things that made the season feel special for her—no matter how anyone else was doing. She scheduled an evening to drive through holiday light displays with a friend. She picked a Saturday to bake her favorite cookies, filling the house with cinnamon and vanilla. She even planned a small “friends-ins” night, complete with hot chocolate and holiday movies.

These moments didn’t fix everything—but they gave Emily something steady and joyful to hold onto. They gave her something that belonged just to her and made this year’s holidays special.

2. Have an Exit Strategy

Emily once felt she had to stay no matter what — because leaving felt like giving up, or abandoning the family.

The truth hit her during one Christmas dinner when Ryan became agitated and started arguing. She felt trapped, frozen at the table, anxiety pressing into her chest. The next year, she gave herself permission to plan a way out. She parked in a spot that wasn’t blocked in. She told the host ahead of time that she might leave early if she felt overwhelmed.

When Ryan started showing signs of distress last Thanksgiving, she quietly grabbed her coat and left — without a dramatic scene or guilt. Her exit plan wasn’t about abandoning people. It was about protecting her own nervous system. It gave her relief just knowing she wasn’t trapped.

Sometimes, just knowing you can leave makes it less stressful to go in the first place.

3. Manage Your Expectations of Holiday Traditions

Grief doesn’t always show up as sadness. Sometimes, it shows up as comparing today to “how it used to be.”

Emily struggled most with this. She remembered loud laughter, long board games, and a house full of noise. Now, things were quieter. More careful. More fragile.

Instead of forcing the holiday to look like the past, she started telling herself the truth: This year is allowed to look different. Everyone doesn’t have to show up in matching pajamas, or participate in the holiday gift exchange. Traditions don’t have to disappear—they can soften, or shift by letting go of “how it’s supposed to go” and embracing “how it goes”.

Changing expectations doesn’t ruin the holiday. Sometimes, it’s what saves it.

4. Set Boundaries for Yourself (Not for Others)

This shift was the hardest—but most freeing—for Emily.

Instead of saying, “If you come to dinner, you can’t drink,” she learned to say:
“If drinking starts, I will leave early.”

Instead of trying to control someone else’s behavior, she learned to control her own response.

Boundaries aren’t about ultimatums. They’re about clarity. They’re about deciding what you will do to stay safe, calm, and grounded. You can’t manage someone else’s choices. But you can decide what you’ll tolerate and what you’ll step away from.

5. Start New, Healthier Traditions

Big family gatherings had always meant loud voices, strong personalities, and lots of alcohol. Emily finally admitted something to herself: That environment wasn’t healthy for Ryan—or for her.

So she created new traditions:

• A Thanksgiving morning turkey trot walk instead of a daylong drinking-heavy gathering

• A quiet holiday breakfast with just a few safe family members and no alcohol

• Game nights focused on connection, not chaos

Smaller. Calmer. More inclusive. And surprisingly, more meaningful.

6. Give Grace When Your Loved One is Taking Care of Themselves

One holiday season, Ryan didn’t come at all.

Emily was heartbroken — until she learned he had chosen to spend the day in a quiet recovery space because the overwhelm was too much. At first, it hurt. Then she realized something powerful:  He wasn’t rejecting the family. He was protecting himself.

Now, when Ryan leaves early, skips gatherings, or stays quiet in the corner, Emily tries to see it differently. She knows that for him to be well, he has to set boundaries for himself. And she doesn’t have to take those boundaries personally.

Grace looks like letting him be absent without punishment or hard feelings.

Sometimes love looks like letting someone step back without shame.

Final Thoughts

The holidays with a struggling loved one won’t look like the movies – at least, not the picture-perfect kind. They may feel quiet. Or awkward. Or fragmented.

But they can still be meaningful.

Emily didn’t fix Ryan.

She didn’t fix the season.

She simply learned how to care for herself while still loving him.

And sometimes, that’s the most powerful kind of holiday magic there is.

If you are walking into this season carrying both love and worry, know that you are not alone — and you are not powerless. You deserve moments of peace, even in complicated family circumstances. You are allowed to plan joy, set boundaries, leave early, soften expectations, create healthier traditions, and extend grace without losing yourself.

This holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Sometimes, the bravest and most beautiful gift you can give yourself is permission to care for your own heart, right alongside caring for someone you love.